Alas, poor Roy! We knew him well…

Poor Roy. Some dude in a collared shirt yells, “Hey, don’t miss it!” at a Tar Heel shooting a free throw and Roy goes apoplectic and has the fan tossed from the Smith Center?

Here’s my Christmas take on the situation:

Every Heel down in Royville liked the Smith Center a lot, but Roy, who lived just north of Chapel Hill – did not. Roy hated the Smith Center – the whole basketball season. Now, please don’t ask why; no one quite knows the reason. It could be, perhaps, that his sling was too tight. Or it could be that his glasses weren’t fitting just right. But I think that the most likely reason of all may have been that his big Jayhawk heart was now two sizes too small.

But whatever the reason, the sling or his glasses, he stood there in the Smith Center hating their “fat asses.” Staring up from his bench like a hater, at the television lights in the Smith Center. For he knew every Heel sitting down in the Dome tonight was busy now planning their Smith Center flight. “And they’re heading to their cars,” he snarled and he cried, “The game’s not even over, it’s practically tied!” Then he growled with his Jayhawk heart continually grieving, “I must find some way to keep the Tar Heel fans from leaving! Why, for six stupid seasons I’ve put up with it now. I must stop the fans from leaving… but how?”

Roy puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore. Then Ol’ Roy thought of something he hadn’t before! Maybe the Tar Heels, he thought, just don’t know how to cheer. Maybe Ol’ Roy… perhaps… should just take over from here!

And what happened then? Well, in Lawrence they say that Ol’ Roy kicked out a stupid convenient fan that day. And then – the true meaning of playing in the Smith Center came through, and Roy found the strength of *ten* security guards, plus two!

Roy sat back down on his bench, as quiet as a mouse. And he, he himself, Ol’ Roy – dreamed of Allen Fieldhouse.