Tea Party Whine: “Pay Attention to Me!”
I’m trying to decide who is more like a three-year-old. My son who is actually three or the Tea Partiers. The favorite sentiment of the outraged white man (aka common tea party member) is: “This is America, how dare they ignore us!” Yes, how dare they. Doesn’t feel good does it? I’m sure it didn’t feel good to the civil rights marchers, either. I’m sure it didn’t feel good to the Vietnam war protesters. I’m sure it didn’t feel good to the thousands of homosexuals affected by Proposition 8. And I’m sure it didn’t feel good to the millions of Americans who couldn’t get health care insurance because of “pre-existing” conditions.
By the way, does this Tea Party “party” mean these idiots are no longer in my Republican party? Please?
Palin: Leader of the Intellect Gap
I am becoming more and more disturbed by the idea that Sarah Palin is leading a rogue group of non-intellectuals, one of whom will take it upon himself to do something terrible. I thought for a long time that George W. Bush was the king of the non-intellectuals. However, he went to Yale and Harvard. He is decidedly more intellectual than Sarah Palin. I believe he would easily win a debate between the two. Not that it wouldn’t be entertaining. Especially if you threw Dan Rather in there as the moderator. Classic.
I digress. The point is this: power in the hands of an idiot is dangerous. There is no bigger idiot than Sarah Palin because she truly does not think beyond what she is saying. If she had any comprehension of the larger world she would’ve known what the Bush Doctrine was and would not have pointed to her backyard to indicate she was aware Russia existed.
The point is Sarah Palin doesn’t think beyond Palinland and the Palindrones out there do. In their non-intellectual minds, they hear what she’s saying: “target” the Dems, he’s palling around with terrorists, let’s “take back” our country. (By the way, why does she get to “take back” the country? It’s my country, too and I like it just the way it is so leave it the f*** alone!) They hear it and they see it as a call to action and they think it means they’re supposed to go out into the world and affect change in any way possible. So they end up shooting people at the Pentagon. They end up plotting to kill police officers. They end up murdering abortion doctors. They fly planes into IRS buildings.
And all the while, the only thought that goes through Sarah Palin’s head is, “Where is my next speaking engagement?” and “what should I write on my hand this time?” She is like a hand gun without a safety, laying around for a child to find. Someone in the Republican party ought to try taking her on. They ought to try and be the voice of integrity. They ought to try and be intelligent leaders rather than reactionary stooges.
The fact that you’re a Republican, the fact that you don’t like big government, the fact that you don’t like taxes and don’t want government run health care doesn’t make you a non-intellectual. Listening to Sarah Palin, and believing she’s who you should pay attention to, does.
The Great Census Freak Out
So you’ve seen the census ads. The ones that encourage you to fill out your census form but are really a cleverly concealed attempt by the government to get a generalized account of your race and location so they can start rounding people up and shipping them off the internment camps thereby reducing the number of people paying taxes resulting in the catastrophic bankruptcy of the United States and a takeover by the Chinese. It’s a brilliant plan, one designed to keep President Obama in power until the Red Army marches into Washington DC and Hu Jintao can takeover. At least that’s what the crazies, aka tea partiers, aka palin-drones would have you believe.
And they aren’t the only crazy ones. Apparently, the federal government is freaking out because people in Texas are lagging behind in returning their census forms. And everyone knows what that means: as goes Texas so goes the crazies. Only 27% of the people in Texas have returned their forms, lagging behind the national average of 34%. This percentage was apparently enough to get the government looking into which counties in Texas are falling behind and it revealed that predominantly Republican districts are lagging. This, in turn, can mean only one thing: people are boycotting the census!
If they weren’t before, they are now! Once a story like this goes viral, people start doing exactly that. Next thing you know Elizabeth Hasselbeck will start waving her census form around on the view declaring that she won’t be subjected to any totalitarian government! (Never mind that it’s a government following its own Constitution created by the people for the people).
Whatever happened to taking a deep breath? In this day and age of Twitter, Facebook, and blogging have we really lost the ability to act and speak as rational people? Are we so knee jerk reactive that every little thing becomes a freak out? Sometimes I still wish it took a month for a letter to be delivered. Maybe then, when crazy cousin Billy Joe in Texas decides he wants to boycott the census it wouldn’t reach all his other crazy relatives until after they’d already mailed it in instead of going out to them in seconds on Facebook.
Palin: GOP the Party of “Hell No.”
Sarah Palin has decided that the Republicans should be glad to call themselves the party of “Hell No!” If she had hit on this idea earlier (which she stole from Boehner’s closing health care speech which he delivered far better than Palin has ever given a speech) maybe she could have used it during the Presidential campaign. Then we would’ve had competing rallies with one group yelling, “Yes we can!” and the other “Hell No!” Quite a beautiful sentiment she has decided to express. Fits right up there with her use of crosshairs to “target” Democrats she doesn’t like.
Palin, as always, has demonstrated her remarkable ability to succinctly express what the “common folk” are feeling and it scares the bejeezus out of me. John McCain, a military man, stood next to her during this bizarre rally in which the former Presidential candidate had to call upon his Vice Presidential nominee to save his campaign in Arizona. As I looked at these two lunatics I wondered what the Republican forefathers would think of their idiocy and the appalling behavior of the tea party activists. I turned to Eisenhower for some guidance. Speaking of communism and the communist witch hunt in America Eisenhower said:
Because disloyalty is an offense of the most profound import, we must be especially careful to avoid hurling the charge of communist against any who may merely disagree with us. Respect for our own free system requires that we speak and act against others with restraint until factual evidence establishes guilt.
Speak and act with restraint. Reason. Calm. Thoughtfulness. Intelligence. Or how about Eisenhower speaking on the duty of the Republican party:
The reason I believe in the Republican Party is because I believe it is the best political instrument available in this country to serve the United States in this kind of objective: for making certain that every individual American, whatever his station, will recognize that he has the opportunity of a free citizen, to make for himself what he can, and he will have a sympathetic partner-a big-brother partner, in the Federal Government; and that this Nation will persist in the kind of nation that was designed by our forefathers and in which it is now our great privilege to live.
A “big brother partner”. Aren’t those “fighting words” under Team Palin and the Tea Partiers? I hope that some day the GOP returns to its senses. Otherwise, this will be the lasting legacy, and it’s more reminiscent of Idiocracy than it is of the kind of noble statesmanship exhibited by all of Palin’s Republican forebears:
A Wildcat’s Guide to the Final Four
It seems preordained the Kansas State Wildcats will be in the Final Four. President Obama has signed the health care bill and by doing so he has set into motion a chain of events known as Armageddon. In fact, one of the first signs of the Apocalypse is K-State making it to the Final Four.
In keeping with our Revelations theme, I’ve put together seven tips for Kansas State Wildcat fans traveling to their first Final Four. It’s been 46 years since they were last there so they might need a refresher course.
1. Stadiums are a bit bigger these days. Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, the site of the Final Four, is slightly bigger than Municipal Stadium in Kansas City, the site of your last Final Four. You might want to bring the Cat Tracker to shuttle people to the stadium doors.
2. The officiating will suck. Get over it. The calls that are made in the Final Four game will NOT be the result of a bias against Kansas State. You’re not playing KU so there’s no conspiracy here. If you end up making it to the Championship game and Kentucky is there, don’t assume that every official is from the SEC just because they call a foul on Clemente. He’s actually just a douche.
3. You are not a victim. You are in the Final Four. You did not get there by being abused by someone, treated like dirt by KU or because it’s all one big setup to really stick it to K-State. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.
4. No, Seth Davis isn’t going to pick you to win the Championship. No, it’s not a conspiracy. No, CBS doesn’t rig the games. No, Greg Gumble is not secretly pushing a button to make Pullen miss every three he takes.
5. Yes, some people do actually like the Wildcats. No, not me. I don’t like you. But President Obama did pick you to be in the Final Four. See? You’re not as bad as well all know you are.
6. If you win the championship, prepare yourself for probation. Frank Martin is not a sinless virgin brought to you by God to save Kansas State from the Jayhawks. If you’re lucky you’ll just get a post-season ban. If not, say bye-bye to all those wins you accumulated this year. Don’t worry about giving back the three losses to KU. You can keep those.
7. After it’s over, plan your next trip to the Final Four, or at least buy tickets so your great-grandchildren can go since you won’t be around to see it.
GOP Misses the Obvious
After debasing themselves during the health care vote, the Republicans appeared to “reload” and throw their lot in even more fully with the crazies out there. This strategy by the Republicans, which reeks of desperation, is even more confusing when there is a perfectly legitimate argument to be made about why what the Democrats are doing is wrong.
Keep it simple stupid. Here’s what you tell voters, “Hey, these Democrats and President Obama just passed a health care bill that’s expected to cost U.S. taxpayers $940 BILLION dollars over the next ten years. Guess what, while you’re already footing the bill for that health care, if you don’t pony up another couple of thousand dollars and buy yourself some health care, you’ll be asked to give the federal government even more of your hard earned money in the form of a tax penalty! They’re misusing your funds and charging you for it!”
For a party that’s relying on the crazy tea partiers to campaign against the Democrats they’re sure missing the obvious. Boston tea party = anger over new taxes. Health care bill = anger over new taxes. Duh. But why do that when you can scare the shit out of people and make loads of money in campaign contributions doing it? Why win the election when you can get more air time on FOX News by being the losers?
Where or where did my party go?
Palin Targets Dems with Gun Sights
Sarah Palin’s PAC has put together a map of 20 Democratic Congressman their supporters should “target” because those elected officials helped pass health care reform. In case you missed the significance of using a term like “target” Palin’s PAC has decided to make it painfully clear, by putting gun sights over the locations of those Democrats and turning those sights “red” to indicate the Democratic member of Congress is no longer a threat.
This linkage of violence to rhetoric, particularly the symbolism of guns, targets, and bloodshed is one I’m very familiar with. As one of Dr. Tiller’s attorneys, who was killed by a terrorist urged on by anti-abortion group Operation Rescue, we saw it every day from the abortion terrorists. It’s page one in their handbook: websites swathed in blood, the use of graphic pictures showing aborted fetuses, the glorifying of killers, urging people to “take a stand.” It’s a very effective fund raising tool and no small coincidence that Palin would turn to the use of violence to raise money.
So it comes as no surprise to me that a fringe group would use this sort of tactic. What does surprise me is the use of it by a prominently elected, Republican party member. We’re not talking about some West Virginia congressman from the regions of “he’s a terrorist.” We’re talking about a woman who was nominated to be Vice President.
The sheer recklessness of it astonishes me. And it astonishes me in this day and age that there aren’t more Republicans standing up to say this behavior is wrong. Where are the Bob Doles, the first President Bush, the Henry Kissingers who while they may have had draconian ideas never once endorsed or stood idly by as this kind of violence took hold. Instead, we have Sarah Palin taking a page right out of the abortion terrorist’s playbook. Instead, we have John Boehner (who might as well have been beating Pelosi with a cane) screaming “hell no” on the floor of the House. Instead, we have Michelle Bachmann screaming that she wants people “armed and dangerous.”
The GOP better watch out. For when their rhetoric finally reaches someone like Scott Roeder or Timothy McVeigh, that person won’t pick up on the sublties of the use of violent rhetoric versus the use of violence. That person will pick up a gun, just like Scott Roeder, and “target” the very people Sarah Palin has set her sights on. Shame on them. And shame on the rest of the Republican leaders for not denouncing this use of violence.
It is a Big F-ing Deal
Vice President Joe Biden, after introducing the President to sign the new health care bill into law, turned to his boss, shook his hand, and said, “This is a big f***ing deal.” It was picked up by the mic and was greeted with a roll of the eyes from President Obama. But Mr. Biden was right.
It is terrible that legislation of this kind has been greeted with such cynicism and such fear mongering. No Child Left Behind was as intrusive and as expansive a move as this and yet it wasn’t greeted with the same kind of skepticism. I know most of the reason for that is it was a different time, a different era. But it would be nice, for once, to see people united instead of divided. The fracturing of America, both real and imagined, is hard to swallow. I am friends with, and attend church with, people who I couldn’t disagree more with ideologically. Yet, these same people greet me with love and acceptance every Sunday. I wish that same kindness for the rest of America.
The Emperor Had No Clothes
Those damn, fat fratters. In the end, the 2009-2010 Kansas basketball team just wasn’t as great as everyone said they were. I take no solace in being right. Without Sherron Collins’ pure will they would probably have lost quite a few games. Tyshawn Taylor and Xavier Henry were never the breakout stars they were supposed to be. The Morris twins certainly improved their game, but other than the first round win over Lehigh neither ever asserted himself enough to allow Cole Aldrich the freedom from defense that he needed to really shine. And yet this team was legitimately considered to be national title contenders. Why? Collins. Unfortunately, the rest of the team was a fraud.
And let me just say this to all the K-State fans out there. Yes, it’s a good thing your team is in the Sweet Sixteen. But why do I get the sense that your real glee is because KU lost and not that you advanced in the tournament? Karma’s a bitch, so watch out!
Stewart’s Beckapalooza
Stewart:
America, I thought as perhaps Teddy Roosevelt did, that some basic protections backed by the legal authority of the United States government, if necessary, could enhance all of our pursuit of liberty and happiness and life. And what I didn’t know is that to even entertain that thought makes me a progressive. And that’s not good.
Video: *Beck says progressives want to control every aspect of your life.*
Stewart:
I didn’t know that that’s what I wanted but I guess I want to control every aspect of your life. As a progressive I might say, “I think it’s a good idea for an agency to monitor pollution.” But I guess what I really mean is, “It’s in the state’s interest that we be allowed to put a chip in your head that tells you when you can masturbate.” Total control! And in my America, nobody tells people when they can masturbate. That is a decision that should only be made between myself, my doctor, and that new Calvin Klein billboard outside my window that’s lit 24-hours a day.
And by the way, if you are progressive you’re not naive. Or a well intentioned stupid person. As Glenn said, you are a metastasizing malignancy on the body politic. Perhaps, even in our great nation’s very colon. Why are you so dangerous progressives? Because you can’t stop.
Video: *Beck says the roots of progressivism leads to fascism and social justice.*
Stewart:
It’s not that believing, I’m not saying this, I’m not saying that believing there should be a minimum standard for how much lead can be in our paint might lead to the government having the right to sterilize and kill Jews. I’m not saying that that might be the case. I’m saying that’s the case. And that even though you didn’t realize it, even though you didn’t realize it, it’s been your goal the whole time. Where’s your proof? Here’s my proof.
Video: *Beck says China is the new goal with lots of Maoists hanging around the White House.
Stewart:
You don’t see it, do you? You still don’t see it. Follow me America. I’m going to show you something that will blow your mind. Why am I the only one that’s saying it? Am I crazy? Or? Okay. Look at the ovals of progressive folly. Look! Look! Ovals getting larger. And isn’t it interesting that they go to China? Turns out that the progressives advocating for regulations on toxins in water and our children’s toys turns into China, the very country that has been putting toxins in water and our children’s toys. It’s so ingenious, it almost doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. So know you’ve taken us this far. You’ve drawn the ovals. How do we get our country back? How do we stop the cancer from “progressing?” Do you see….
Video: *Beck talking about the Christianity of our founding fathers*
Stewart:
Then Thomas Jefferson signed “year of our Lord, Christ,” licked the envelope, put a stamp on it, and gave it to one of his slaves to take for a couple of weeks to get it to Maryland. My point is this! It’s that simple. We know what to call a progressive, “cancer.” What do you call someone that follows this better path? Because we must label because without a label we would have no idea which websites to visit.
Video: *Beck says he’s a conservative libertarian.*
Stewart:
Conservative Libertarian. Two great tastes that taste great together. So how do we get back from China? Be a conservative libertarian who follows the rules of God. Hmm, Jon, what would that look like? What could that possibly look like? What could you possibly have that could look like that? Oh, I don’t know, Jesus? With Libertarian Penn Gillette and Conservative Alex P. Keaton? Hey, Jon, what about all that space on the right there? What if you drew ovals from here to theocracy? What if you drew a shape like this, or like this, or like this to a theocracy? That’s ri- wait a minute. Straw man, slippery slope, dumb guy might have a point. Can you just draw ovals from the center to China in the same way but back towards a theocracy? Well, there’s one, Wait! This is Glenn’s blackboard so we have to play by Glenn’s rules which are if you subscribe to an idea then you also subscribe to that idea’s ideology. And to every possible negative consequence that that ideology remotely implies when you carry it to absurd extremes.
For instance, progressives if you believe in a minimum safety net for the nation’s neediest you believe in total and absolute government control. So, if you believe that faith provides a strong moral tent post for a nation’s foundation that could only lead to totalitarian theocracy. But Jon, that’s crazy, that can’t be right! Cause there would be all kinds of redonculous embedded clues! You’re absolutely mother f-ing right. If that were true somehow I would be able to show a bearded Jesus over time turn into a, look, beard it’s white, and now he’s Muslim! Did I just blow your mind? Am I the only one here saying that having facial hair necessarily makes you a blood-thirsty totalitarian theocrat? Am I the only one?
I could hold up a swastika or a hammer and sickle or a picture of a bloody corpse and tell you that that’s my evidence, but I don’t have those pictures. I have the words themselves written in indelible chalk. Conservative Libertarian! Let’s start with Conservative. Oh, well, what’s this? A “Con” a con is a convict! And “Serv” a convict and a slave! I don’t want to be a slave prisoner but it’s your ideology. I guess Libertarian somehow mitigates. Well, let’s look at that, lie! Lie! They’re lying to us! Who’s doing the lying, who is doing the lying? Tell me word on the board, who is doing the lying? Arians! Aryans! Holy Shit! Oh, my, God! But Jon, if that was true, why did they spell it without the “y?” They took out the Y because they don’t want you asking that question. I am coming for your books and brains! What does that leave? Well, it leaves only one word, Bert. A insidious pigeon worshiper whose draconian law allows for neither loud noise nor rubber duckies. But yet who spends his day in a children’s workshop telling our impressionable youth what to think. Don’t think he’s dangerous? Well, I wonder what the letter E would have to say about that! Oh, it’s Hitler!
I didn’t want to have to tell you any of this. Any more than Glenn Beck wants to tell you that people who think safety belts are a good idea are killing this country. And as I look around, at all the truly random things that I scribbled – I’m sorry, I promised myself that I would cry.
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