Really, Catholic Church? Really?

I’m two years late on this rant and only just heard about it this morning on NPR. Back in 2008, before the full force of the sex abuse scandal had gripped the Catholic Church, the Vatican was confronted with a much more serious problem: women priests! In a bizarre effort to serve the Lord, and more importantly in a way not authorized by the Vatican, women were actually trying to become priests so they could help make disciples of Christ. The audacity! The criminality! The Vatican knew that this kind of problem was going to get out of hand quickly. It knew women were going to start walking around wearing collars, offending the eyes of parishioners everywhere! To save the poor, abused Catholics the Vatican took serious steps to punish any woman caught trying to be a priest: they would be automatically excommunicated.

Yep. Really. According to Reuters:

But some offences, including heresy, schism, and laying violent hands on the Pope, are considered so disruptive of ecclesiastical life that they trigger automatic excommunication, or “latae sententiae”.

The decree says that women priests and the bishops who ordain them would be excommunicated “latae sententiae”.

There will be no transfer to another diocese, no reassignment to a convent, no chance to rehabilitate yourself. If you’re a woman, and you commit the “sin” of serving Christ as a priest in the Catholic church, and some poor bishop tries to make you into a priest, you’re both out. Done. No questions asked.

Now, if you’re a male priest and you allegedly force an 11-year-old boy to have oral sex with you, the obvious solution is to move you to another diocese where you can continue to work despite the fact that you get convicted of sexually abusing minors for which you merely have to pay a fine after which you’re allowed to resume your pastoral duties. After all, Christ obviously would want convicted pedophiles to be given a second chance. And he would obviously want women who were trying to be his disciples to just be kicked out no questions asked.

Yeah. That makes sense. Blessed are the cheese makers.