South Dakota Shuts Down All Gun Dealerships, Wipes Out 2nd Amendment
Three lawsuits have been filed in federal court in South Dakota over the state’s new stringent gun dealership licensing laws. If the new laws are allowed to go into effect, South Dakota will be the only state in the Union without gun dealerships.
“The regulations are designed to have the dealers fail.” said attorney Ihata Wymn. “The state agency responsible for issuing licenses to dealers shut down our dealership without even coming out to inspect us. They just denied our application without any due process.”
The new regulations contain a litany of requirements from proper spacing to proper temperature. If the temperature isn’t between 68 and 73 degrees the state can shut down the dealership. Even if a dealership somehow manages to pass all the requirements, which so far no one has, there is a catchall requirement that asks if the dealership has broken any other state, federal or local law. In comparison, other stores, such as Target, are allowed to operate without having to meet any of the stringent requirements.
As a result of this unprecedented assault on the 2nd Amendment, tens of thousands of men have taken to the streets to protest the new laws. Money is pouring in from all over the country to help the dealerships fight the new laws. And the NRA has set up a local headquarters to organize and get people out on the street to help recall all the state senators who helped pass the gun licensing regulations.
South Dakota has become the first state in the union to completely take away a citizen’s right to bear arms without ever making it illegal to own a gun. Theoretically, people can still own guns, but with no dealerships to go to to buy the guns, it is unlikely that anyone will be armed. It is a tragedy of epic proportions that a woman who is being threatened by a rapist will not be able to buy a gun to deal with the rapist. That is why everyone cares so much. They really care that a constitutional right is being taken away. Really. They’re mad.
Or they’re not. And they’re letting it happen. Right now. In Kansas. Only it’s abortion and not gun rights so no one cares if an entire state full of women is denied their constitutional rights. Where is NOW? Where is the liberal outrage? Where is the takeover of the Capitol building a la Wisconsin? Abortion is probably the only constitutionally protected right where people would actually not do a thing to stop the government from treading on that right.
It would be nice, for once, to see women come together and really fight for this right, to really push to have elected officials who will look out for their best interest. For too long women have ignored the battle for abortion rights and because of that, they’ve lost. It’s not too late, and there are some remarkable, strong, wonderful people who are carrying on the fight. I hope they get the help they need and deserve.
Sarah Palin, Juror
Sarah Palin, Time Traveler extraordinaire, is taking a break from her historic trip through time because she’s been called for jury duty. Sarah says, “The next leg of the tour continues when the time comes.” I imagine the time will come when she drops out of the slow news cycle.
We checked with the court clerk in Anchorage and she was able to provide us with the transcript from jury selection*:
Attorney: I’d like to speak with Ms. Sarah Palin. Ms. Palin, where are you?
Sarah Palin: Right back here just enjoyin’ a most beautiful courtroom.
Attorney: Ok. Let me ask you -
Sarah Palin: It’s great tah see that patriotism in all you fine people who are here to serve this great country of ours by doing our civic duty.
Attorney: Thank you, Ms. Palin. If you don’t mind, I need to ask you if you know any of the parties in this case?
Sarah Palin: I like tah think that we all know each other out here in the real America. Gosh, ya just gotta be proud. And I’m thankful that the flippin’ lame stream media isn’t allowed in here. Judge, yah see any comin’ in you just start tellin’ ‘em to get the heck outta here.
Attorney: Your honor, would you please direct the juror to answer my question?
Sarah Palin: I’m not answerin’ any gotcha questions.
Judge: Ms. Palin, if you can’t answer the questions we’re going to have to excuse you from jury duty.
Sarah Palin: Judge, I don’t quit my civic duty early. I could be out at the fishin’ hole and not even botherin’ with comin’ in here, but holy geez, I’m not that kind of person. I’d rather be in here bein’ free, exercisin’ my constitutional right to be on a jury.
Judge: Ms. Palin, you don’t have a right to be on a jury, only to have a right to a trial by – nevermind. Do you think you can answer the questions now?
Sarah Palin: You betcha.
Attorney: Thank you, Ms. Palin. Now, do you know any of the parties in this case? Do any of us look familiar or the names sound familiar to you?
Sarah Palin: It’s not occurrin’ to me that I know any of you.
Attorney: And do you think you could be impartial if you were to serve on this jury?
Sarah Palin: I’d like to think that when it comes tah fightin’ for real Americans that I will always stand up for what’s right and not what people there say they want me tah do.
Attorney: Ok, but -
Sarah Palin: This great nation of ours was founded as a warning tah people everywhere that they better not be messin’ with us and tryin’ to turn us socialist. We gotta stand up and fight to keep those arms and keep that big ol’ government outta our lives.
Attorney: Your honor, I think I’d like to dismiss this juror.
Judge: Yep. Bailiff?
Sarah Palin: Where are we goin’? Holy moly that guy looks guilty!
Judge: Mistrial!
Attorney: Dammit!
Sarah Palin: Just try your case again. Don’t retreat, reload!
*no, I don’t really have a transcript or any idea what if any court she’s been called to for jury duty
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Sarah Palin, Time Traveler – Chapter Two
Sarah Palin
Time Traveler
Chapter Two
October 28, 1886.
A steamer pulls up to Bedlow’s Island. It is 7 o’clock in the morning. A small crowd of men and women depart from the steamer, heading towards a brand new statue. Today, the Statue of Liberty is going to be unveiled to the world. The crowd mingles for a light lunch after inspecting that everything is okay. The statue is fine. One woman, Mrs. Clarence Carey even decides to climb all the way to the top, stepping outside at the very top, on the balcony around the torch. She is the first woman to have accomplished this. She sighs with pride and satisfaction, looking back at New York City and the United States. Her eyes wander down to the island below. Far, far down below she sees a small person jumping and waving. She wonders, “who is that lunatic?”
On the ground, the frantic jumping of the woman is seen by the remaining members of the American Committee of the Statue of Liberty. At first, they wonder what is wrong with her. Then, they decide, they must approach her. They have one hour until the first steamer full of visitors will arrive at the Statue of Liberty.
Mr. David H. King is selected to see what is the matter. He approaches her with great worry.
“Madam, may I help you?”
“What’s that? I’m so excited to be here!”
“Yes, I imagine you are. Do you know where you are?”
“‘Course I do! That’s the Statute of Liberty!”
“You mean ’statue’?”
“That’s what I darn did there say. Statute!”
“No, you see, you’ve put an extra T in there.”
“I love Ts! Tea Party, whoo hoo!”
“Okay. Staaaaatue. Not Statutttttte. Never mind, doesn’t matter. Are you on the guest list?”
“Always. So let’s get us up in this lovely statute! Time to celebrate freedom!”
“Madam, the President of the United States is on his way here along with a very large contingent of French dignitaries, untold number of police officers, infantry, and various other security forces. You must remove yourself.”
“Boy, you sure do know a lot of funny things and boy do you just keep right on talkin’ there! I hear we got this statute as a warning.”
“A warning? You mean like the horse’s head in Jack Woltz’s bed?”
“You just said a bunch of things that don’t make sense to me so I’m going to respond to what I do know. Other countries don’t want us to be a horse’s ass and become socialist countries. Especially those Frenchies. Do not want us being socialisties.”
“Socialwhaties? You mean the French who just came out of the Franco-Prussian war who then had another revolution who established the Paris Commune to promote worker’s rights who then executed 30,000 for taking part in the Paris Commune? Those freedom lovers? Yes, they do want us to stay a democracy so they’ll have someone to look up to.”
“What? All I know is France is giving us this statute telling us ‘not to blow’ our democracy.”
“Okay. Right. Yes, you’re right.”
“I usually am.”
“Or, they could be giving it to us to commemorate the great shining example that is America. To celebrate the United States rather than to give us a dire warning.”
“Warning. That’s what it is. Big ‘ol warning in the middle of New York Harbor to inspire fear in all Americans not to blow this thing we got going here. Just like Paul Revere warned the British not to take our arms. Big warning.”
“Or, as President Cleveland will tell us in a few hours, ‘Instead of grasping in her hand the thunderbolts of terror and of death, she holds aloft the light that illumines the way to man’s enfranchisement … a stream of light (from Lady Liberty) shall pierce the darkness of ignorance and men’s oppression until liberty shall enlighten the world.’ Or something to that effect.”
“Yes. Terror and death! That’s what I said. A warning.”
“Fine. You’re right. Again.”
“Yep.”
“Please leave.”
“Got to warn about becoming socialists!”
“Okay. Can you go stand over there and warn? Just right over there… See where the soldiers are all lined up? Just let them know what you know…”
“Sure can do! Let me just head on over there. Hey, why are they escorting me away? Don’t you want to hear more about socialists?”
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Sarah Palin: Time Traveler
Sarah Palin: Time Traveler
Rewriting History One Event at a Time
Chapter One
A lone rider on horseback hurries down the road, cloaked in the darkness of midnight. His is a ride fraught with danger. His mission: to warn John Hancock and John Adams that a force of British soldiers is coming to arrest them. A constant tapping at his soldier causes his anxiety and irritation to grow exponentially.
Finally, in a fit of anger he turns to the woman riding on the horse behind him, “Why are you here again?”
“Ya know, it’s all part of the Sarah Palin History tour. The National Park Service arraigned for me to accompany you on your famous midnight ride.”
“All I know is you appeared out of nowhere and suddenly were on the back of my horse! Are you a witch?”
“Now, we don’t use that kind of language about women. Are you with the lamestream media?”
“Who? I’m a Whig. What are you? A Tory?”
“What? From 90210? No. I’m a Sarah! Ya know, Momma Grizzly Palin?”
“Momma what? Madam, I have important business to attend to!”
“Riding to let the British know they’re not going to be taking our arms, are ya?”
“What? Taking our arms? Warn the British? No! Warn the Sons of Liberty the Grenadiers and light Infantry have all been taken off duty and all the boats belonging to the transports have been launched!”
“Now I don’t know what all you just said to me, but I’m going to talk about what I understood. People from Grenada are coming? Riding to warn about illegal aliens, too, are ya?”
“Illegal what? Madam, we’ve got British soldiers on the march! All of this force is headed for Lexington. They’re coming for Hancock and Adams! I’ve got to warn THEM the British are coming! I’m not trying to warn the British about anything!”
“Better start ringing those bells and shooting those shots to warn the British not to take our arms when they come marching through the countryside, right?”
“Ring bells? Fire a pistol? Why would I want to draw attention to myself? I’m trying to avoid arrest! That’s why I hung two lanterns in the North Church Steeple, briefly, so as to quietly, surreptitiously warn the Sons of Liberty the British were coming by water!”
“Well, whatever you did, I’m sure you made sure our right to own guns was protected!”
“I think I’m going to have to push you off this horse.”
Two men on Horseback appear up ahead under a tree.
“Now what do ya suppose those nice looking men in red coats want? They sure are decked out in some fancy clothes. They must be from real America! Wait! Why are you pushing me off? Well, isn’t that dandy, landed right in a mud puddle. Hi, there, Mr. Men in Red Coats. I’m Sarah Palin…”
To be continued…
