Sarah Palin, Juror

Sarah Palin, Time Traveler extraordinaire, is taking a break from her historic trip through time because she’s been called for jury duty. Sarah says, “The next leg of the tour continues when the time comes.” I imagine the time will come when she drops out of the slow news cycle.

We checked with the court clerk in Anchorage and she was able to provide us with the transcript from jury selection*:

Attorney: I’d like to speak with Ms. Sarah Palin. Ms. Palin, where are you?

Sarah Palin: Right back here just enjoyin’ a most beautiful courtroom.

Attorney: Ok. Let me ask you -

Sarah Palin: It’s great tah see that patriotism in all you fine people who are here to serve this great country of ours by doing our civic duty.

Attorney: Thank you, Ms. Palin. If you don’t mind, I need to ask you if you know any of the parties in this case?

Sarah Palin: I like tah think that we all know each other out here in the real America. Gosh, ya just gotta be proud. And I’m thankful that the flippin’ lame stream media isn’t allowed in here. Judge, yah see any comin’ in you just start tellin’ ‘em to get the heck outta here.

Attorney: Your honor, would you please direct the juror to answer my question?

Sarah Palin: I’m not answerin’ any gotcha questions.

Judge: Ms. Palin, if you can’t answer the questions we’re going to have to excuse you from jury duty.

Sarah Palin: Judge, I don’t quit my civic duty early. I could be out at the fishin’ hole and not even botherin’ with comin’ in here, but holy geez, I’m not that kind of person.  I’d rather be in here bein’ free, exercisin’ my constitutional right to be on a jury.

Judge: Ms. Palin, you don’t have a right to be on a jury, only to have a right to a trial by – nevermind.  Do you think you can answer the questions now?

Sarah Palin: You betcha.

Attorney: Thank you, Ms. Palin.  Now, do you know any of the parties in this case?  Do any of us look familiar or the names sound familiar to you?

Sarah Palin: It’s not occurrin’ to me that I know any of you.

Attorney: And do you think you could be impartial if you were to serve on this jury?

Sarah Palin: I’d like to think that when it comes tah fightin’ for real Americans that I will always stand up for what’s right and not what people there say they want me tah do.

Attorney: Ok, but -

Sarah Palin: This great nation of ours was founded as a warning tah people everywhere that they better not be messin’ with us and tryin’ to turn us socialist.  We gotta stand up and fight to keep those arms and keep that big ol’ government outta our lives.

Attorney: Your honor, I think I’d like to dismiss this juror.

Judge: Yep.  Bailiff?

Sarah Palin: Where are we goin’?  Holy moly that guy looks guilty!

Judge: Mistrial!

Attorney: Dammit!

Sarah Palin: Just try your case again.  Don’t retreat, reload!

*no, I don’t really have a transcript or any idea what if any court she’s been called to for jury duty