So a bit lame at first, but it picks up steam towards the end and finishes strong, just like the rest of the Jayhawks. Let’s see the Missouri Tiger take on Colbert. Rock Chalk Jayhawk, KU!

So I’m watching Colbert tonight and he has this crazy woman on who speaks with a heavy Russian accent and she’s telling me that my President shouldn’t be President because he’s not a natural born citizen. If that’s not bizarre enough, nothing like a Russian attorney explaining the Constitution, Ms. Orly Taitz’s rationale is even crazier. Colbert says, and I’m paraphrasing, “What would it take, you idiot, to prove to you that Obama is a natural born citizen?” She says nothing short of digging his father up out of his grave and granting him citizenship will make Obama a natural born citizen. You see, Obama’s father was a citizen of Kenya. His mother was a citizen of the United States. If both of his parents aren’t natural born citizens, born here in the United States, then he’s not a natural born citizen. My God! Does anyone realize what this means?? None of our Presidents have been natural born citizens!  Here’s why:

Let’s follow this through using my own family as an example. (Try to keep up, it’s complicated). My husband and I have two children. They were born in America. I was born in Washington, DC (not technically a state, but still under my original understanding of the Constitution, pre-Orly Taitz, a part of the United States) and my husband was born in California. His parents were born in the United States. His grandparents were born in the United States, but one set of his great-grandparents were born in Italy. If his great-grandparents were born in Italy that means his grandfather wasn’t a natural born citizen, not having been born to natural born citizens. He never went and sought citizenship because he mistakenly believed that having been born in the United States he was a citizen.

That means, if his grandfather never sought citizenship, his dad isn’t a natural born citizen either, not having been born to a natural born citizen. Which means that my husband isn’t a natural born citizen which means my children aren’t natural born citizens but are in fact citizens of Italy and the United States. They’re also citizens of the United Kingdom as my great great great great long ago relatives came over from England on the Mayflower.

Just think, we’re living in a country full of people who’ve never rectified the fact that they weren’t born to natural born citizens. Having never taken a citizenship test, hundreds of millions of Americans must surely now face deportation under Ms. Taitz’s theory. We now need a Mormon intervention to go back and citizenize the dead or ICE is going to be real busy trying to figure out how to ship hundreds of millions of Americans back to their native countries.

Holy Tamale! That’s an immigration problem!

From the Huffington Post:

Missouri State Representative Cynthia Davis is one tough cookie. Last week she opposed subsidizing school lunches for low income children during summer months saying, “Hunger can be a positive motivator.” This is excellent news considering 1 in 5 Missouri kids is living in hunger, so that state is due for a productivity boon.

Stephen Colbert tipped his hat to Rep. Davis last night, applauding her decision, but worrying that she never rose above the rank of state representative because she developed the anti-motivating habit of eating. He called on Missourians to help her by denying her food whenever possible. That should give her her edge back.

Colbert went on to wag his finger at Fox News for identifying Mark Sanford as a Democrat in their chyron. He understands that it is a natural response to assume anything bad that happens is the fault of a liberal, but agrees with Peggy Noonan that we should all be blaming one liberal in particular: Bill Clinton.

Glenn Beck holds his tea party in the only location that makes sense: the Alamo.

Colbert: “Yes, that does really REALLY make sense. So few remember that the Boston Tea Party began when George Washington and his ragtag troop of Union soldiers holed up in the Alamo surrounded by Nazis. Luckily, before Napoleon could bring in his Terminator reinforcements, Hannibal saved the patriot army with his elite corp of elephant men. To this very day we still rally around the cry, ‘Remember the Ewoks!’ For what it’s worth, I would like to throw my support to this grass roots effort by FOX News Corporation. I certainly hope that this occupation of the Alamo goes just as well as the last one.”

Colbert destroys Beck’s 9-12 Project and starts his own, the 10-31 project. You can find out more about Colbert’s version HERE.

From the Huffington Post:

Stephen Colbert ripped apart Fox News host (and New York Times cover boy) Glenn Beck Tuesday night, mocking his 9-12 project, meant to conjure the spirit of compassion and camaraderie Americans felt on September 12, 2001.

“We weren’t told how to behave that day after 9/11, we just knew,” Beck says to describe the project. “It was right, it was the opposite of what we feel today. Are you ready to be the person you were that day after 9/11, on 9/12?”

“Ready!” Colbert shouted, decked out in a gas mask, holding a gun, and wearing adult diapers.

Colbert then used a classic “Daily Show,” exposing the hypocrisy of Beck’s 9-12 project by highlighting comments he made on September 9, 2005.

“This is horrible to say, and I wonder if I’m alone in this,” Beck said on his radio program that day, “you know it took me about a year to start hating the 9/11 victims’ families? I don’t hate all of them. I hate probably about 10 of them. But when I see a 9-11 victim family on television, or whatever, I’m just like, ‘Oh, shut up!’ I’m so sick of them because they’re always complaining. And we did our best for them.”

“The 9-12 project is not for families directly affected by 9/11, just people building their careers on it,” Colbert said.

Colbert went on to mock Beck’s now infamous tendency to cry, and to launch his own “democratic experiment, the 10-31 project.”

“It will be scare and balanced!” he joked.

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Probably the best interview I’ve seen Meredith Vieira do since she’s been on Today thanks, in no small part, to Colbert’s ability to think on his feet. It’s very funny and worth watching.

Colbert helps put the GOP’s current obsession with hip hop culture into perspective. Michelle Bachmann added, “You be da man!“