In keeping with our Revelations theme, I’ve put together seven tips for Kansas State Wildcat fans traveling to their first Final Four. It’s been 46 years since they were last there so they might need a refresher course.

1. Stadiums are a bit bigger these days. Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, the site of the Final Four, is slightly bigger than Municipal Stadium in Kansas City, the site of your last Final Four. You might want to bring the Cat Tracker to shuttle people to the stadium doors.

2. The officiating will suck. Get over it. The calls that are made in the Final Four game will NOT be the result of a bias against Kansas State. You’re not playing KU so there’s no conspiracy here. If you end up making it to the Championship game and Kentucky is there, don’t assume that every official is from the SEC just because they call a foul on Clemente. He’s actually just a douche.

3. You are not a victim. You are in the Final Four. You did not get there by being abused by someone, treated like dirt by KU or because it’s all one big setup to really stick it to K-State. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.

4. No, Seth Davis isn’t going to pick you to win the Championship. No, it’s not a conspiracy. No, CBS doesn’t rig the games. No, Greg Gumble is not secretly pushing a button to make Pullen miss every three he takes.

5. Yes, some people do actually like the Wildcats. No, not me. I don’t like you. But President Obama did pick you to be in the Final Four. See? You’re not as bad as well all know you are.

6. If you win the championship, prepare yourself for probation. Frank Martin is not a sinless virgin brought to you by God to save Kansas State from the Jayhawks. If you’re lucky you’ll just get a post-season ban. If not, say bye-bye to all those wins you accumulated this year. Don’t worry about giving back the three losses to KU. You can keep those.

7. After it’s over, plan your next trip to the Final Four, or at least buy tickets so your great-grandchildren can go since you won’t be around to see it.

And let me just say this to all the K-State fans out there. Yes, it’s a good thing your team is in the Sweet Sixteen. But why do I get the sense that your real glee is because KU lost and not that you advanced in the tournament? Karma’s a bitch, so watch out!

I mean really. Look at them. Here is where I break the cardinal rule and doom KU to a second round exit by mocking their upcoming opponent. But I can’t help it.

Northern Iowa, aka, the Sigma Chi Frat Intramural team, is KU’s next opponent in the NCAA tournament. And they are one of those teams. You get to the gym and you look at them and you think, we can beat these guys. Look how fat they are! They’ve never seen a weight room in their life. Plus, they’re Fratters, aka privileged kids who like to wear South Carolina Game “Cock” hats who think they can play but can’t. This will be easy.

The next thing you know, you’ve just watched their little fat guard rain three threes over you and their fat forward shove your “athletic” center out of bounds so he can dunk on him. Yep, it could be tricky.

I’m just going to hope that somewhere along the way KU realizes that they can run circles around these guys, literally. KU went all anti-Glenn Beck on the Patriot League’s Lehigh last night (though it took them 3/4 of the game to do it) so I’m hoping they can go all GDI on Northern Iowa Saturday. If not, I’ll be swearing about those damn, fat, Fratters.

However, It’s a bit uncomfortable watching him fill out the bracket as Andy Katz is standing over his shoulder questioning his picks. At one point, Obama moved Missouri into the Sweet Sixteen to which Katz yelled, “Really?” Obama then pretended to have been confused and changed his pick to West Virginia.

President Obama also had a pretty high opinion of K-State. He put them all the way into the Final Four losing, of course, to Kansas. Of K-State Coach Frank Martin Obama said, “He’s a scary dude! I could use him. I could send him up to Congress to get them to vote for health care!”

“Massage therapist told me, she said, ‘You know, coach, what happened in Haiti is a catastrophe. What you’re having is a disappointment.’ I told her that depends on what chair she was sitting in. Because it does feel like a catastrophe to me, because it is my life.”

Okay, two things. One, you’re an out of touch elitist if you start your sentence with my “massage therapist told me.” Two, if you can justify in your own mind in any way shape or form that what you are suffering in your own life is comparable to a disaster that took more than 230,000 lives, you’re an out of touch elitist. Sounds like good old boy Roy has become one of the UNC wine and cheese crowd he despises so much. And I’m starting to sound like Palin railing on elitists. Not good, but I don’t like hypocrits and Roy is the ultimate hypocrit.

Just in case you were feeling blue about the end of the Jayhawks’ football season…

So a bit lame at first, but it picks up steam towards the end and finishes strong, just like the rest of the Jayhawks. Let’s see the Missouri Tiger take on Colbert. Rock Chalk Jayhawk, KU!

One of Aldrich's Ten Blocks

Cole Aldrich swatted the Jayhawks into the Sweet Sixteen.  First triple double in the tournament (with blocks) since Shaq and the first tiple double at KU since Wilt.  Go Jayhawks!!!