Colbert Report: Womb Raiders

To follow up on my earlier post about the crazy birthers, here is Colbert’s withering attack on the movement and his interview with the crazy Russian leading the charge.

Dammit, I just lost my Citizenship!

Update: Video of Colbert’s interview with Taitz can be seen HERE.

So I’m watching Colbert tonight and he has this crazy woman on who speaks with a heavy Russian accent and she’s telling me that my President shouldn’t be President because he’s not a natural born citizen. If that’s not bizarre enough, nothing like a Russian attorney explaining the Constitution, Ms. Orly Taitz’s rationale is even crazier. Colbert says, and I’m paraphrasing, “What would it take, you idiot, to prove to you that Obama is a natural born citizen?” She says nothing short of digging his father up out of his grave and granting him citizenship will make Obama a natural born citizen. You see, Obama’s father was a citizen of Kenya. His mother was a citizen of the United States. If both of his parents aren’t natural born citizens, born here in the United States, then he’s not a natural born citizen. My God! Does anyone realize what this means?? None of our Presidents have been natural born citizens!  Here’s why:

Let’s follow this through using my own family as an example. (Try to keep up, it’s complicated). My husband and I have two children. They were born in America. I was born in Washington, DC (not technically a state, but still under my original understanding of the Constitution, pre-Orly Taitz, a part of the United States) and my husband was born in California. His parents were born in the United States. His grandparents were born in the United States, but one set of his great-grandparents were born in Italy. If his great-grandparents were born in Italy that means his grandfather wasn’t a natural born citizen, not having been born to natural born citizens. He never went and sought citizenship because he mistakenly believed that having been born in the United States he was a citizen.

That means, if his grandfather never sought citizenship, his dad isn’t a natural born citizen either, not having been born to a natural born citizen. Which means that my husband isn’t a natural born citizen which means my children aren’t natural born citizens but are in fact citizens of Italy and the United States. They’re also citizens of the United Kingdom as my great great great great long ago relatives came over from England on the Mayflower.

Just think, we’re living in a country full of people who’ve never rectified the fact that they weren’t born to natural born citizens. Having never taken a citizenship test, hundreds of millions of Americans must surely now face deportation under Ms. Taitz’s theory. We now need a Mormon intervention to go back and citizenize the dead or ICE is going to be real busy trying to figure out how to ship hundreds of millions of Americans back to their native countries.

Holy Tamale! That’s an immigration problem!