Sarah Palin, Time Traveler – Chapter Two
Sarah Palin
Time Traveler
Chapter Two
October 28, 1886.
A steamer pulls up to Bedlow’s Island. It is 7 o’clock in the morning. A small crowd of men and women depart from the steamer, heading towards a brand new statue. Today, the Statue of Liberty is going to be unveiled to the world. The crowd mingles for a light lunch after inspecting that everything is okay. The statue is fine. One woman, Mrs. Clarence Carey even decides to climb all the way to the top, stepping outside at the very top, on the balcony around the torch. She is the first woman to have accomplished this. She sighs with pride and satisfaction, looking back at New York City and the United States. Her eyes wander down to the island below. Far, far down below she sees a small person jumping and waving. She wonders, “who is that lunatic?”
On the ground, the frantic jumping of the woman is seen by the remaining members of the American Committee of the Statue of Liberty. At first, they wonder what is wrong with her. Then, they decide, they must approach her. They have one hour until the first steamer full of visitors will arrive at the Statue of Liberty.
Mr. David H. King is selected to see what is the matter. He approaches her with great worry.
“Madam, may I help you?”
“What’s that? I’m so excited to be here!”
“Yes, I imagine you are. Do you know where you are?”
“‘Course I do! That’s the Statute of Liberty!”
“You mean ’statue’?”
“That’s what I darn did there say. Statute!”
“No, you see, you’ve put an extra T in there.”
“I love Ts! Tea Party, whoo hoo!”
“Okay. Staaaaatue. Not Statutttttte. Never mind, doesn’t matter. Are you on the guest list?”
“Always. So let’s get us up in this lovely statute! Time to celebrate freedom!”
“Madam, the President of the United States is on his way here along with a very large contingent of French dignitaries, untold number of police officers, infantry, and various other security forces. You must remove yourself.”
“Boy, you sure do know a lot of funny things and boy do you just keep right on talkin’ there! I hear we got this statute as a warning.”
“A warning? You mean like the horse’s head in Jack Woltz’s bed?”
“You just said a bunch of things that don’t make sense to me so I’m going to respond to what I do know. Other countries don’t want us to be a horse’s ass and become socialist countries. Especially those Frenchies. Do not want us being socialisties.”
“Socialwhaties? You mean the French who just came out of the Franco-Prussian war who then had another revolution who established the Paris Commune to promote worker’s rights who then executed 30,000 for taking part in the Paris Commune? Those freedom lovers? Yes, they do want us to stay a democracy so they’ll have someone to look up to.”
“What? All I know is France is giving us this statute telling us ‘not to blow’ our democracy.”
“Okay. Right. Yes, you’re right.”
“I usually am.”
“Or, they could be giving it to us to commemorate the great shining example that is America. To celebrate the United States rather than to give us a dire warning.”
“Warning. That’s what it is. Big ‘ol warning in the middle of New York Harbor to inspire fear in all Americans not to blow this thing we got going here. Just like Paul Revere warned the British not to take our arms. Big warning.”
“Or, as President Cleveland will tell us in a few hours, ‘Instead of grasping in her hand the thunderbolts of terror and of death, she holds aloft the light that illumines the way to man’s enfranchisement … a stream of light (from Lady Liberty) shall pierce the darkness of ignorance and men’s oppression until liberty shall enlighten the world.’ Or something to that effect.”
“Yes. Terror and death! That’s what I said. A warning.”
“Fine. You’re right. Again.”
“Yep.”
“Please leave.”
“Got to warn about becoming socialists!”
“Okay. Can you go stand over there and warn? Just right over there… See where the soldiers are all lined up? Just let them know what you know…”
“Sure can do! Let me just head on over there. Hey, why are they escorting me away? Don’t you want to hear more about socialists?”
Sarah Palin: Time Traveler
Sarah Palin: Time Traveler
Rewriting History One Event at a Time
Chapter One
A lone rider on horseback hurries down the road, cloaked in the darkness of midnight. His is a ride fraught with danger. His mission: to warn John Hancock and John Adams that a force of British soldiers is coming to arrest them. A constant tapping at his soldier causes his anxiety and irritation to grow exponentially.
Finally, in a fit of anger he turns to the woman riding on the horse behind him, “Why are you here again?”
“Ya know, it’s all part of the Sarah Palin History tour. The National Park Service arraigned for me to accompany you on your famous midnight ride.”
“All I know is you appeared out of nowhere and suddenly were on the back of my horse! Are you a witch?”
“Now, we don’t use that kind of language about women. Are you with the lamestream media?”
“Who? I’m a Whig. What are you? A Tory?”
“What? From 90210? No. I’m a Sarah! Ya know, Momma Grizzly Palin?”
“Momma what? Madam, I have important business to attend to!”
“Riding to let the British know they’re not going to be taking our arms, are ya?”
“What? Taking our arms? Warn the British? No! Warn the Sons of Liberty the Grenadiers and light Infantry have all been taken off duty and all the boats belonging to the transports have been launched!”
“Now I don’t know what all you just said to me, but I’m going to talk about what I understood. People from Grenada are coming? Riding to warn about illegal aliens, too, are ya?”
“Illegal what? Madam, we’ve got British soldiers on the march! All of this force is headed for Lexington. They’re coming for Hancock and Adams! I’ve got to warn THEM the British are coming! I’m not trying to warn the British about anything!”
“Better start ringing those bells and shooting those shots to warn the British not to take our arms when they come marching through the countryside, right?”
“Ring bells? Fire a pistol? Why would I want to draw attention to myself? I’m trying to avoid arrest! That’s why I hung two lanterns in the North Church Steeple, briefly, so as to quietly, surreptitiously warn the Sons of Liberty the British were coming by water!”
“Well, whatever you did, I’m sure you made sure our right to own guns was protected!”
“I think I’m going to have to push you off this horse.”
Two men on Horseback appear up ahead under a tree.
“Now what do ya suppose those nice looking men in red coats want? They sure are decked out in some fancy clothes. They must be from real America! Wait! Why are you pushing me off? Well, isn’t that dandy, landed right in a mud puddle. Hi, there, Mr. Men in Red Coats. I’m Sarah Palin…”
To be continued…
Dumb as Rocks Momma Grizzlies
When did all the bright, intelligent, women running for office get replaced with these dumb as rocks Momma Grizzlies? This “chick” Christine O’Donnell who is running for Senate in Delaware debated her opponent at a law school. When she says, “Where in the Constitution is the separation of church and state?” you literally hear gasps and laughter from the educated audience. Her opponent, Chris Coons, who is a lawyer, tried to explain the First Amendment to her. She then later had no idea what the 14th Amendment was or why it might be an issue.
I’ll let Anderson Cooper take it from here:
O’Donnell apparently never graduated college until finishing up coursework in the summer of 2010 at Fairleigh Dickinson University. She also claims to have studied the Constitution extensively and received a “graduate fellowship” from the “Claremont Institute.” As Anderson Cooper points out the Claremont Institute is a conservative think tank and the “graduate fellowship” lasted a whole of 7 days. Apparently they didn’t have time to get to the Bill of Rights or any of the other Amendments.
Throw in O’Donnell’s bizarre education with Palin’s tortured college experience and you’ve got a real trend in female candidates towards idiocy that just keeps growing. I can not recall any other women ever touting that they weren’t educated. Perhaps it’s because women are usually discriminated against and we would rather appear bright and on top of our game than dumb and trigger happy. Meanwhile, you have a President who is an actual constitutional scholar and yet the loons would rather have the grizzlies who belong to strange, fringe churches and practice witchcraft in office. Is literally no one paying any attention to who these people really are when they run for office?
**UPDATE**
If you’d like a copy of O’Donnell’s Constitutional Fellowship course syllabus, TPM has it HERE. In her defense, they did not go over the First Amendment. They did spend a lot of time on Roosevelt’s writings because that has a lot to do with what’s in the Constitution.
The Wasilla Witch Project – Kate and Sarah’s Reality Show
TLC is excited to announce a brand new reality thriller show. The Wasilla Witch Project: two families divided, pitted against each other for ultimate control of the Alaskan woods.
Meet Sarah and Kate, two grizzly mamas who are headed into the woods to try and put their children in danger so as to create an exciting reality TV show. But lurking in the woods, hoping to get their own reality show are Bristol, Levi, and Jon (you know, the guy who used to be married to Kate)! This evil trio is hoping to steal the limelight and bring about the downfall of both women’s careers!
Who will win? Only time will tell if Kate and Sarah have what it takes to wrangle with the loathsome threesome. Guess starring in the first episode is Mel Gibson who hopes to stage a coup and win his own reality show. It’s mama grizzly v. playgirl wannabes v. anti-Semite!
Thursday, 9pm ET, on TLC, where no one really “learns” anything.
Daily Caller: Top Five ShakesPalin Quotes
Chris Moody at the Daily Caller rounds up the best of the Twittersphere’s slapdown of Palin after she compared herself to Shakespeare.
The Twittersphere can be a very cruel — and clever — place.
Only moments after Sarah Palin compared herself to William Shakespeare for using the non-existent word “refudiate” on Twitter, literary nerds and political junkies did not hesitate to spread the word far and wide.
“English is a living language,” Palin tweeted last weekend. “Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!”
Using the hashtag #ShakesPalin, the race was on to pen the best satire of Palin’s literary comparison. Here are a few of our favorites at The Daily Caller:
1. @normative: “To suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous liberals, or to quit halfterm, and by opposing, rake in speaking fees” #shakespalin
2. @spsenski: “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some are just picked by John McCain’s aides.” #shakespalin
3. @Zagrobelny: “O Levi, Levi, wherefore art thou Levi?” #shakespalin
4. @chriscesq: “Two households, both totally devoid of dignity, in fair Wasilla where we lay our scene.” #Shakespalin
5. @jerekeys: “But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is Russia, and Putin is in the airspace.” #Shakespalin
Shakespeare was known to invent new English words in his plays, including “accommodations,” “obscene,” “generous” and perhaps most fittingly, “laughable.”
Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2010/07/19/palin-as-shakespeare-the-top-five-shakespalin-quotes/#ixzz0uHKCHjEd
Here’s my input:
“To read or not to read, that is Katie Couric’s question.”
Palin’s Epic Twitter Meltdown Fail
This is just the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. From Annette K at Daily Kos:
Silly Sarah just had to insert herself into the furore surrounding the proposed new mosque near Ground Zero in New York.
Well. it all went tits up for her, big time.
First she tweeted this
Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn’t it stab you in the heart, as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, pls refudiate
Then someone with slightly more knowledge of the English language must have had a word because that tweet was ‘tweleted’ (see, we can all make words up).
It was replaced with this
Peaceful New Yorkers, pls refute the Ground Zero mosque plan if you believe catastrophic pain caused @ Twin Towers site is too raw, too real
Um, Sarah?, still not quite right
Updated with this
Peace-seeking Muslims, pls understand, Ground Zero mosque is UNNECESSARY provocation; it stabs hearts. Pls reject it in interest of healing
The usual suspects are having a ball
@SarahPalinUSA Please repudiate, refudiate, repoofiate, reloofaiate, or just apologize for, your religious intolerance
about 3 hours ago via web
.KeithOlberman
So, Sarah got a bit hacked off with the mockery (you’d think she would be used to it by now)………….
so she tweets this
Refudiate,” “misunderestimate,” “wee-wee’d up.” English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!
about 4 hours ago via web
.SarahPalinUSA
Shakespeare? More like Bill and Ted.
Palin Insults NAACP
Palin’s latest tweet attacks the NAACP for considering a resolution to condemn the Tea Party for “explicitly racist behavior.” Palin tweets:
I’m busy today so notify me asap when NAACP renders verdict: are liberty-loving, equality-respecting patriots racist?Bated breath,waiting…
I’m surprised she even has to ask the question. Obviously she knows that, no, Democrats aren’t racist. I assume that’s who she was referring to? Oh, that’s right, she means the people who want to repeal the 14th Amendment aren’t racist. Right.
Palin, Rove, FOX News and Tea Party Epic Fail: Why Moran is Beating Tiahrt
*Update* The Epic Fail is complete. Moran beats Tiahrt.
Also posted at Daily Kos, 7/8/10, 1:30pm
Barack Obama’s Presidency is on the line this November. Apparently. The proverbial “they” want to know if the general election will be a referendum on his Presidency, sweeping Republicans into power in Congress. But it’s a tiny little referendum on the Tea Party, FOX News, Sarah Palin Express going on right now in Kansas, that has my attention.
Meet Jerry Moran, Republican Kansas First District Congressman and Senate Candidate. He is way ahead in the polls of his Republican primary challenger, Todd Tiahrt, Fourth District Congressman. He’s way ahead mostly because he has the endorsement of Sarah Palin and Karl Rove, and Sean Hannity, all of FOX News, and the Tea Party Express. Wait, what, no? That’s the other guy? Oh, right, Tiahrt is endorsed by Palin (via Facebook. Does she do anything outside of Facebook?) and Rove (in a personal appearance), and Sean Hannity via his show.
Why is Tiahrt their pick? The Tea Party Express endorsed him. And why did the Tea Party Express endorse him? Because he is a “movement hero.” What the hell does that even mean? Tiahrt (pronounced Tea-Heart. Really.) has even referred to himself as a “Tea Party Hero.”
The most recent polling by Survey USA shows Moran ahead of Tiahrt 55% to 33%. The poll was taken June 24 – 27, two months after the Tea Party endorsed Tiahrt, and ten days after Rove endorsed him. Palin chimed in while the poll was being taken on the 24th and Hannity threw in his two cents two days later. And yet, there Moran sits with a 20 point lead.
So what’s the matter with Moran? Why does the Tea Party like Tiahrt? Or do they even know? On immigration Tiahrt supported bills that make it easier for illegal immigrants to get driver’s licenses and pay lower tuition, Moran didn’t support those bills. Moran doesn’t like military tribunals and thinks they’re unconstitutional, Tiahrt likes them. So what’s it really all about? As far as I can tell, taxes. Moran voted against some early procedural votes containing the Bush tax cuts in 2003 but eventually supported them while Tiahrt voted for them all the way. Moran isn’t good enough for the FOX News cohorts, either, because they’ve decided Tiahrt is a true “defender” and “protector” of the Constitution (thanks to Palin and Hannity for deciding who really likes the Constitution and who doesn’t). Moran merely swore to uphold the Constitution when he took the oath of office, he didn’t say he’d defend it. Or protect it. Or whatever it is Palin thinks he’s not doing.
Regardless, the glaring truth that’s coming out of this race is that Kansans, Republican Kansans, Red State Kansans, aren’t particularly swayed by the crazies. Despite all of FOX News and the Tea Party efforts, Tiahrt still trails in the polls, Mama Grizzly’s endorsement and Tiahrt’s internal polling notwithstanding. Moran is the better candidate, and more sensible, and Kansans recognize this. He is heavily supported by those identifying themselves as “moderates.” And, ironically, Moran has a higher “favorable” rating than Tiahrt among those who identify themselves as Tea Partiers. (See Survey USA poll).
Come August 3 we’ll find out just how impotent the Tea Party FOX News Express is when sensible Kansas voters send tea party boy home and send Jerry Moran on to the General Election.
Palin Likes Obama Hitler Comparison
Sarah Palin wants her Palindrones to read an editorial comparing President Obama to Hitler. (For a black man whose people were repressed for centuries he sure turned the tables on that white majority pretty quickly to assume a position of power akin to that of Adolph Hitler. Why, just the other day I was commenting on the number of white people that were being rounded up and sent to “camps” for census “counting.” I wondered if my family and I should hide in the basement of our Asian neighbors so the Census officers couldn’t arrest us when they came to our house!)
Why is Obama Hitler this time? Well, this time he had the audacity to demand that BP finance a $20 Billion Dollar fund for victims of the oil spill. (By the way, if BP had any courage they could’ve said no to financing the fund, instead they agreed.) The editorial states:
During the worldwide Great Depression, the German Reichstag passed a law “for the relief of the German people.”
That law gave Hitler dictatorial powers that were used for things going far beyond the relief of the German people — indeed, powers that ultimately brought a rain of destruction down on the German people and on others.
If the agreement with BP was an isolated event, perhaps we might hope that it would not be a precedent. But there is nothing isolated about it.
I am so tired of this Hitler shit. I mean really. First of all, the power of the Presidency is obscene and it’s been obscene since way before Obama got into office. So far, none of those abuses of executive power have led us down the path to Nazi Germany, but they’re going to keep throwing the Hitler/Anti-Christ card out there. Whose “they?” The same people who yelled that President Bush and Dick Cheney did more to damage the Republic than any other President and Vice President before them.
Enough with the hyperbole. These Presidents have policies you don’t like. Period. End of story. Yes, there is abuse of power. Yes, at times, the Congress and the President (throughout the years) have done things that were unconstitutional. Hell, the Supreme Court of the United States subjected an entire race of people to unconstitutional racial segregation for nearly 70 years before finally overturning the “separate but equal” doctrine. There have been countless excesses and mistakes and unconstitutional actions and yet the Republic still stands. We may look like the original Star Spangled Banner, full of holes blasted into our constitution by different groups at different times, but the next morning, we’re still here. And so is your freedom. So get over it.
Palin Nailin the President
Or at least she thinks she is. I’ve grown so tired and weary of the tea party and the Sarah Palindrones. I have a good friend whom I used to be able to discuss politics with. She’s a Republican. The other day she told me that the health care bill was one more way the federal government could reach its hands into our lives and control us and that if she ever needed to go in for hip replacement surgery (she’s 35) a federal health board could decide the odds are against her and it’s not worth funding her operation so she wouldn’t get the surgery. She said, “This happens in Europe, not in America!” I guess in response to the incredulous look on my face she added, “Oh, I know that’s not in the bill they passed but it will be eventually.” How exactly? Her crazy ramblings left me feeling depressed.
Which brings me to Sarah Palin. She’s jumped all over Obama for saying:
It is a vital national security interest of the United States to reduce these conflicts because whether we like it or not, we remain a dominant military superpower, and when conflicts break out, one way or another we get pulled into them. And that ends up costing us significantly in terms of both blood and treasure.
Palin took issue because she believed he doesn’t think we should like being a dominant military superpower. Liberal bloggers say she misunderstood the President and he was actually saying whether we like it or not we always get pulled into conflicts. I guess I don’t see what the big deal is either way. Maybe we don’t like being a dominant military superpower because we will always have to show up as the world police. Or maybe he’s saying whether we like it or not we always get pulled into wars.
Why is it always about patriotism and “real America” with Palin? This whole notion that their idea of America is the only right idea is the most un-American philosophy they could have. If Palin and her drones had been present for the writing of the Constitution or at any of the Constitutional conventions they would have been joining in with the anti-Constitutional crowd saying the Articles of Confederation were the best way to go and that James Madison didn’t know what the hell he was talking about.
I guess I’m just really hoping that the “real America” crowd starts their own party with Sarah Palin as their distinguished leader. The Republicans ought to be able to weed out the weirdos that way.
